Even Aliens Need to Practice Safe Sex  by Jayne Lockwood
August 20

Even Aliens Need to Practice Safe Sex by Jayne Lockwood

 

 

Confession time. Picture the scene. The half-finished manuscript is in my bag, freshly printed out, and I’m off to see a great friend who is a terrific champion and critic of my work. She has no idea what is about to hit her.

 

“Here you are,” I say as I make the tea. (It’s her house, but I make the tea. She can’t make tea for shit.) Then I add, “this will probably end my writing career if it ever got out.”

 

Or words to that effect. That might still happen, but Euphoria has taught me something important. Sometimes you just have to begin with no expectations, no boundaries, no deadlines, no hope that anyone will read it apart from yourself. It’s just you, the computer (or parchment and quill, whatever is your thing) and the words in your head.

 

I’m fortunate in that I learned to type at secretarial college. I could probably still bash out 80 wpm if I was copy typing. This is very useful when ideas pour out like stones in a bucket, each one unique. Hidden within them there might be amber or another unusual gem. You pick it up, examine it, wonder if it could be used for anything. It’s only small, but so are diamonds. Small can make an…..

 

STOP! PRETENTIOUS CRAP ALERT!!!

 

Yes, all the above is true. I kind of ruined it with the stones in a bucket thing. If I was pitching this book as a movie in fifteen words or less, it would basically be:

 

Alien wants to save Earth from itself. Learns about safe sex the hard way.

 

I had a huge amount of fun writing Euphoria. I’ve put my main male character through absolute hell, and just when he thinks he can’t take any more, I give him one of the rudest awakenings a man can get. And Vardam is a sweetheart. In fact, everyone is, apart from Dyer. He definitely isn’t. (BOO HISS!) And Kurt’s wife can be a bitch. In the end, they’re just all human, apart from Vardam, my lonesome extra-terrestrial.

 

Finally, here’s a snippet of an actual conversation I had recently with a male friend. We were talking about Euphoria, and he was trying to grasp the concept of alien/male sexual relations.

 

MF – So there’s a guy having sex with an alien, right?

 

JL – The book isn’t all about that. It’s about what happens when the ET arrives on earth and finds it on the brink of self-made destruction.

 

MF – But they do have sex.

 

JL – *sighs* I don’t want to spoil it for you.

 

MF – But all your books about someone having sex with someone.

 

JL – Fair point.

 

MF – So supposing they … you know, you just said the alien has no sex organs.

 

JL – Well, not in the usual place, no. They have tentacles. In their fingers. And a tongue which secretes fluid.

 

MF – Right. *thinks hard* Right. So how does he, you know … (clenches fist and makes pumping back and forth motion)

 

JL – For a start, Vardam isn’t a he. They are nonbinary, and for the record, there is more than one way of having sex, you know. *Gives motherly look.* It isn’t necessarily about the … (clenches fist and makes pumping back and forth motion.) I would have thought after 50 years you might have figured that out.

 

MF - *goes very red* Well, yeah….

 

JL – Just read the book.

 

And on that note, thanks for reading this far. The links and blurb for Euphoria are below!

 

Jayne x

 

EUPHORIA BLURB

 

It might take the arrival of an alien being to remind an isolated man what it means to be human.

With a stressful job, his boss breathing down his neck for profitable results, and an estranged wife and daughter, scientist Kurt Lomax doesn’t think life can get much harder. Until a nonbinary extraterrestrial with an otherworldly beauty, captivating elegance, and a wicked sense of humor inconveniently shows up at his apartment.

Vardam watched the destruction of their own world, and they don’t want to see the same thing happen on Earth. They are lonely, and feelings soon develop between them and the supposedly straight scientist—feelings Kurt reciprocates, much to his confusion.

The arrival of cheery interpreter Tom Soames—whose Goth appearance belies a gentle heart—is like a ray of sunshine in the somber lab. He acts as matchmaker for man and tentacled extraterrestrial, unwittingly instigating a national crisis when the news breaks out.

But will a misunderstanding ruin Kurt and Vardam’s chances for happiness together—along with the hope for peace between humanity and the Var?

 

AUTHOR BIO

 

Jayne Lockwood has always wanted to learn to fly. Spending free time honing her Peter Pan skills on an aerial hoop, she also creates flights of fancy in her books, mingling sex and romance with angst and a healthy dash of dark humor.

Since she was a small child, Jayne has always sympathized with the villain. It all began with Alice Cooper, even though she was banned from listening to his music by her mother. From wanting to sail away with Captain Hook or redeeming the Child Catcher, the antihero has been an enduring fascination ever since.

Jayne is an outwardly respectable member of an English village community. She also is one of the founder members of WROTE podcast, which is dedicated to showcasing LGBTQA authors and their work, and now writes book reviews as well as diverse fiction.

She is also in a sub/Dom relationship with a cat called Keith.

 

LINKS

DSP Publications http://bit.ly/EuphoriaDSPP

Amazon US http://bit.ly/EuphoriaJLUS

Amazon UK http://bit.ly/EuphoriaJLUK

Barnes & Noble https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/Jayne+Lockwood?_requestid=5802001

Kobo https://www.kobo.com/gb/en/search?Query=Jayne+Lockwood

 

SOCIAL MEDIA LINKS

 

Web page https://hollowhillspublishing.blogspot.co.uk

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/hollowhillspublishing/

Twitter https://twitter.com/ladyjAuthor

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/jaynelockwoodauthor/

Goodreads https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6893372.Jayne_Lockwood

QueeRomanceInk https://www.queeromanceink.com/mbm-book-author/jayne-lockwood/

 

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